Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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