ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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