think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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