I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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