You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
