I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
