Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
