YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
