Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
