u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
