It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
