are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
