So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
