He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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