Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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