You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
