I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
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I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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