he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
