3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
