Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
All I want is dick and wine.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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