how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
