I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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