some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
