Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
