you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
