Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
