two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
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I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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