I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Found your dick twin last night
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
