Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
