oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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