thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize