my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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