I've blown a few things in my day
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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