Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
