he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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