I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
there's paper in my vomit.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
