i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
