weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
