I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
