You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
