so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
