All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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