I'm sorry my penis didn't work
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
