Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Let's paint friendship bongs
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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