That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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