Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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