Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
