Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
