I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
