I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
