I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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