My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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