I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
