your parents love me but you hate me
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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