I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
