You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
