I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
