My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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