you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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