Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
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