he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
