It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I fill condoms, not promises.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
