Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
