This is not my ceiling
what day is it and did you see me today?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
