Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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