Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
