My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
