I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
