I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
