so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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