we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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