Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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