I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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