She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
