So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
