I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
This house was built for laser tag.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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