well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
