How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize