A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He called his prostate his "boner button".
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
