I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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