My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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