where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize