is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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