I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
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