first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
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