She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
