Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
